Shattered Consciousness
by jadedolphin
Summary: An accident leaves Raphael battered and without his memory will his brothers be able to bring back the person that he once was? Rated for some swearing.
1. Argument

Shattered Consciousness

_Raph and Leo are fighting…again. Sometimes Leo finds himself wishing that his hotheaded brother could somehow change and the fighting could stop, but when an accident leaves Raphael battered and without his memory will Leo try and bring back the brother that he has always known or will he consider this turn of events to be an answer to a prayer?_

**Disclaimer: _I do not own the turtles in any way shape or form...too bad._**

**Chapter One: Argument **

The sound of shouting could be heard coming from the living area and reverberating throughout the lair. It had been going on for a while starting low at first and quickly rising in pitch. Michelangelo was sitting on the couch alternating his attention between the television and his two feuding brothers, he had been watching since the beginning of the argument but he didn't really remember how this one had started; actually he very much doubted that either the blue or red banded turtles standing in front of him could really tell how the fight had started either. Mikey sighed as he turned the volume up on his movie; it was hard enough to understand the twisting plot of _Constantine_ without only being able to hear every other word of it. A flash of movement caught his eye and he turned back to his brothers; the tense postures and expressions on both of their faces alerted him to the fact that Raphael had just shoved Leonardo backwards causing both to ready themselves for blows. The internal conflict now going on behind the sword – wielding teenager was almost palpable as he struggled to keep himself under control, from 'sinking to his younger brother's level' as it were. While he managed to control himself physically, he lost the battle for his words as he spat out,

"Damn it Raphael I have had just about enough of you. You storm around the lair with this enormous chip on you shoulder, lashing out at anything that moves doing nothing but making trouble while the rest of us are _trying _to contribute to this family. I don't understand you! Why do you have to be such a selfish, irresponsible jerk all the time!?" Both Raph _and _Mikey's eyes widened at this statement; Mike frowned as he stared over at Leo, surely he didn't mean that. It was true that Raph was often very impulsive and irresponsible and he could _definitely_ be a real jerk at times but as for being selfish and not contributing to the family? That was just not right!

"Well at least I'm not some self righteous, all important windbag whose head is stuck so far up his ASS that he can't even see that his three brothers are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves without _Fearless Leader _directing their every move. I mean geez Leo it's a wonder anyone can even go to the _bathroom_ without asking your permission!"

"Uh guys…"

"WHAT" both turtles yelled as they whipped around to face the owner of the timid voice that had so rudely interrupted their argument. The purple banded turtle stood their shifting nervously from foot to foot as he fiddled with his hands.

"Well my scanner picked up some activity from the Foot a few blocks away from here and I was thinking we should go check it out." Donnie looked hesitantly at his two brothers as he relayed the news, he half expected them to ignore him and go back to their fighting but they both seemed to relax slightly and without a word to each other they both headed for the door. Mikey and Don breathed a sigh of relief as they locked gazes and silently followed their older brothers.

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Fifteen minutes later the brothers found themselves on the rooftops and surrounded by the Foot; there seemed to be more of them than usual that night and the guys decided to divide and conquer. The sounds of battle filled the night as each of the brothers brought down their enemies and others arrived to replace them.

"Ugh their like locusts or someth'n. I mean seriously is there a like 'Foot convention' in town or what?" Mikey mused as he cleared a circle around himself with a roundhouse kick only to find himself surrounded again seconds later.

"They do seem rather numerous tonight." Donnie agreed as he barely kept a multitude of his own foes at bay using his Bo.

Leo was seething, his argument with Raphael was still fresh in his mind as he fought off the ninja; he glanced over at his red banded sibling who was furiously taking out all of his frustration and anger on the ninja next to him. _Stupid hothead. _Once again Raph had failed to wait for Leo's signal to begin fighting and so they had lost their opportunity to gain knowledge about what the Foot's little excursion was about tonight. At the rate that Raph was going now there wouldn't even be anyone conscious or alive to interrogate at the end of this fight. Backing up to the wall behind him, Leo ducked as a pair of Kama was thrown at him.

Leonardo was so focused on his thoughts and the ninja in front of him that he failed to notice that the Kama were intentionally aimed above his head where they were buried into the brick. He only barely registered the sound of crumbling above him when he was shoved shell – first into the wall. He vaguely felt the strong pair of hands shoving him and remembered rolling a few feet away as the bricks came crumbling down; Leo looked up to see a pile of rubble where the wall once stood. Raph was nowhere to be found.

**_This is my very first fic so please tell me what you think...Please be kind though or I may have to sic Raphael on you!_**


	2. Fear

**Chapter Two: Fear**

_Hey everyone, sorry about the wait. I meant to update sooner but was delayed by school stuff and writer's block. Hopefully I can update quicker in the future._

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own them *sighs* but I can dream...

"RAPHAEL!" Mikey, who was nearby at the time was horrified as he stared at the pile of rubble that had collapsed onto his older brother. He had seen the whole scene unfold; he saw the black clad ninja throw the Kama at Leo before slamming him into the wall, he felt the tremors as the wall began to collapse and watched as Raph ran towards him pushing him out of the way just as the structure came down on top of him. Mikey saw all of this but was too far away to do anything about it. With a sudden burst of strength that only the peril of a loved one can produce, Michelangelo let loose a barrage of furious blows that left all surrounding Foot ninja unconscious and the others wary to approach him and then ran full force towards his fallen brother. A quick glance around him showed that Donatello had done the same and Leonardo was still half kneeling in his place, staring dazedly at the collapsed wall. The remaining Foot ninja backed away and retreated as the two brothers made their mad dash toward the fallen one.

Both Michelangelo and Donatello reached the wall at the same time and began to work furiously to uncover their brother. It took what seemed like an eternity to remove most of the brick, cement, and other debris from his body but they finally did and let out a simultaneous gasp of horror at what they saw.

Leonardo was still in the same position, staring at but not truly taking in the chaos ensuing around him. His brain was on lock down and his thoughts cycled around in it. '_Oh God, Raph…what happened? Where is he? What have I done? Oh God!_' He was finally jarred out of his thoughts by the voice of his baby brother.

"LEONARDO, wake up and get your shell ova here and help all ready!" Now whether it was the urgency of the situation or the harsh tones of the normally bubbly and gentle Mikey's voice that finally snapped Leo out of it is unsure, at any rate he managed to focus on what was occurring in front of him and jumped up to help. Leo ran over to where his three brothers were and skidded to a halt at the sight of Raphael's broken body.

'_Oh no Raph…_' The red banded turtle was a mess of cuts and bruises, both his eyes were blackened, there was a crack in his plastron where it was struck with a brick, and from the angle of his left arm (which he had fallen on) it was obvious that it was broken. Most troubling however, was the large bloody gash stretching from his right temple to the middle of his forehead. Leo had to physically shake himself from his horror induced stupor as he removed more of the debris covering his brother and readied himself to pick up his unconscious form.

"Wait Leo!" Donnie's strained whisper halted him in his movements. "We have to be very careful when moving him. We don't know what types of internal injuries Raph may have and moving him too quickly or forcefully could exacerbate any existing problems."

"Okay so what do we do?" Mikey's voice was small and fearful.

"I'm gonna have to check him over here first and then we'll take him home and fix him up… Don't worry Mikey, he'll be alright."

"Kay"

Leo and Mike stood silently and watched as Don gently poked and prodded and felt over every inch of Raphael's body. He visibly winced as his finger hooked into the crack on Raph's plastron and his frown deepened as he pressed into the wound confirming his fears that at least one of his brother's ribs was cracked.

"Alright, I think it will be okay to move him now but we have to be very careful not to jar him in any way… He already has at least a couple of broken bones as far as I can tell and I don't want to make it any worse."

"I'll carry him." Both the orange and purple banded turtles jumped at Leo's declaration as these were the first words he had spoken since before the fight began.

"I don't know Leo, Raph is pretty heavy. Do you think you can handle him on your own?" Leo simply nodded a defiant scowl firm on his face and Don sighed but gestured for him to proceed Mike only scowled, his arms crossed tightly across his chest. It was no use arguing about it, Leo was the strongest of the turtles after Raphael of course and neither Don nor Mike wanted to risk causing further injury to their brother by attempting to carry him.

"Just be careful" Mike said shortly, though his look softened as he helped lift Raph's body into Leo's arms. He gently tucked Raph's injured arm close to Leo's plastron to protect it from flapping around as they ran.

The trip back to the lair seemed to take forever; despite Leo's best care, Raph seemed to get paler and paler by the minute and Don kept making everyone stop to check him over periodically. But finally after what seemed like an eternity, they made it back and found Master Splinter waiting for them on the other side of the elevator.

"My sons, I felt a disturbance in your life force while you were out…" He began and immediately stopped at Mikey's troubled face as he led the pack into the lair. Splinter's ears folded back to his skull and a small almost inaudible whimper escaped his lips as he took in the sight of Raphael's body. "Raphael…" He breathed. "My sons, what happened to Raphael?"

"Long story short Master Splinter, a brick wall fell on him." Donatello stated bluntly over his shoulder as he followed Leo into the infirmary. Splinter walked into the room in time to see his blue clad son placing the injured one gently on the bed inside the infirmary and his other two sons instantly crowding around it. "Okay Mikey, you're gonna have to back up a little and give me room to work."

"Fine," came the reluctant answer as Michelangelo moved a couple of feet away from the bed where he stood and fidgeted as he watched his older brother flit around the table anxiously. After a few moments of examining, Don straightened up and turned to the other occupants of the room with a worried scowl on his face.

"Um Master Splinter would you mind giving me a hand here?"

"Certainly my son, what do you need?"

"Mikey and Leo, Master Splinter and I will probably be in here for a little while. Why don't you two go on out for the time being and I'll call you once Raph is cleaned and bandaged up."

"But Don…" Mike's near whining voice was cut off by Leo's worried one.

"Wait is something going on? What's wrong with him Donnie?"

"Just go for now please. I promise that I will call you guys if anything happens."

Mikey and Leo, after a lingering look at their fallen brother, both turned to exit the room. As they did so, the sound of Donatello's voice spouting off a menagerie of medical jargon that neither of them understood reached their ears. Both knew that whatever was going on inside of the infirmary was not good. Leo turned towards Mikey and placed his hand on his shoulder, clearly intending to offer words of comfort to his baby brother but was silenced with a look. Mike shrugged off his brother's hand turned his back to him and stalked over to the entertainment area where he sat down heavily and stared blankly at the television. After a couple of minutes of watching his brother, Leo just sighed and headed toward the dojo, hoping to clear his mind by meditating.


	3. Don

_As usual guys I'm really sorry about the wait, I had planned to have this chapter and a couple others up a while ago; but alas, school is brutal and snatched that dream away. However, I will try and get more out soon. __**PLEASE keep reviewing, it helps me to believe that this fanfic is actually worth the time it takes to write it!!**_

_The next few chapters will be from the guys' and Master Splinter's perspective and later I will switch back to third person pov. Also, the timing of each chapter may be a little different but I try to make it as obvious as I can and if you're paying attention it shouldn't be confusing._

**Disclaimer: **_**Still don't own them**_

Chapter 3 – Donatello

Sighing, I place my hand on the doorknob and turn around to look at the prone form of my normally vivacious brother; Master Splinter will take good care of him while I go to update the others. I fight down the burning sensation behind my eyes and hurriedly exit the room, shutting the door firmly behind me.

At first glance, the lair seems empty; everything is dark and quiet. Suddenly a flickering light at the corner of my vision catches my attention; I wander over to the entertainment area to find Mikey staring at, or rather past, the muted television.

"Mike?" I say gently as I sit beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder; he jumps under my hand as he obviously didn't notice my approach.

"Don? How's Raph?" My smile is slightly grim as I shift to look at him better on the couch.

"Well he's still alive, that's something but I kinda want to talk to everyone at once. Where's Leo?" Mikey immediately stiffens and rolls his eyes.

"Where else?" He snorts. I don't have to think hard to figure it out.

"The dojo?" Silence is my only confirmation as Mikey has turned back to the TV and is staring blankly ahead again. I sigh, rising and making my way slowly towards the dojo.

Leo is working out furiously, moving through several kata formations in a row, never pausing in between; he seems in constant fluid motion, mesmerizing me. After about a minute of watching, I snap myself out of my exhausted reverie and clear my throat loudly. Leo stops immediately and looks in my direction, he opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off by walking back out of the dojo, calling for Mikey as I do so; Leo, thankfully takes the hint and follows me out.

After we are all gathered in front of the still closed infirmary, I find myself at a loss for words; Leo looks at me nervously and Mikey puts a hand on my shoulder, giving me a strained but still encouraging smile. I draw strength from that and clear my throat, taking a deep breath.

"Okay, well Raph's alive, he's weak and not out of the woods by a long shot but as long as he's still breathing there is hope." I take another deep breath before resuming, "He has a lot of injuries, and it didn't help that a few of those Foot goons got a good swipe or two in before the wall collapsed on him." Leo flinches at this but Mikey and I choose to disregard it. "He has a couple of broken and bruised ribs, his wrist was obviously fractured and he lost a lot of blood. Master Splinter and I managed to treat most of the internal injuries but he still needs a blood transfusion and the stored supply has almost been used up."

Leo immediately steps forward at these words. "I'll donate for him." He has the same determinedly stubborn look on his face that he had earlier when telling us that he would carry Raph home; Michelangelo simply looks at him and shakes his head.

"I'm sorry Leo," I sigh as I step closer to him, a look of confusion passes over his face. "You can't donate for Raph because you're not a match; Mikey is the only one of us who has the same blood type as he does." I turn around to face my little brother.

"Mikey, I know how you hate needles but…" He holds up his hand, cutting me off.

"That doesn't even matter right now bro. Raph can have all of my blood that he needs." He turns his back on the disappointed Leonardo and starts to move towards the infirmary but finds me blocking his path.

"Listen Mike, I need to warn you before we go in, Raph looks pretty beat up right now and I still haven't told you the worst of his injuries."

"W-what do you mean. What else is there?"

"Well apparently one of the bricks hit him in the head and his skull was cracked… there was severe cerebral edema, or brain swelling, meaning that even once we take care of his other injuries…" I sigh and shift nervously before continuing; I can barely look my brother's in the eyes. "There is a chance that he will never wake up."

**A/N: **_I would like to thank my beta reader Mikell for helping me out with this chapter and for all who have reviewed or shown interest. I know it's taking me awhile to get anywhere with this story but I promise that I won't give up on it._

_Also, please keep a lookout for my upcoming fic __**Learning to Love**__, its going to be the first in a story arc and I am really excited about it; as soon as I get a few more chaps written I'll start posting. Anyway enough rambling, see ya next chapter!_

_**Up next…Splinter**_


	4. Splinter

_Merry Christmas everyone, here is my next chapter. I am happy to say that my exams are over and school is officially out for me so I will have a lot of time to write. I really want to update this story again before Christmas but I'm not sure if that will happen or not. Regardless though, I have a special Chrismas present for all of my readers for my next update._

_Just a hint but I update a lot faster if I get lots of reviews ;)_

**Disclaimer: **Yeah I know I don't own them, you don't have to rub it in!

**Chapter 4 – Splinter**

It has been some time since my sons left on patrol and as I settle down for my meditations I am struck with an overwhelming sense of foreboding, I try to stay calm but somehow I am aware that at least one of my sons will be coming home grievously injured or perhaps not at all.

Years ago when I found myself as a surrogate father to four children who were so special and yet looked so different than those of the outside world I strove to raise them as ninja knowing that it was all that I had to offer them as a sense of purpose in a world where they were unlikely to be accepted. As a teacher and a ninja master, I take undeniable joy in my pupils who have been so diligent and have taken my teachings to heart. They stick to the shadows, unseen warriors and protectors of the unsuspecting city; they are all selfless and strong of heart and spirit, and I could not be more proud. However, as a father I cannot help but fear for the health and safety of my sons; every time they leave the lair, I must fight the worry that one or all of them may be defeated at the hands of an enemy. Normally I am able to alleviate such concerns through meditation, but on some nights such as this, my fears are proven true.

I am already waiting at the entrance of the lair when my sons arrive carrying their injured brother; up until this moment I was able to delude myself that my more overprotective side had usurped my senses and that I was blowing everything out of proportion, but now I understand that things may be as bad or worse than I originally imagined.

After a brief exchange with Donatello, I find myself following my sons into the infirmary and pondering how an entire wall fell onto my second eldest. From my vantage point at the door, I can already tell that the situation is grave.

"Um Master Splinter would you mind giving me a hand here?" I force myself to tear my focus away from Raphael and onto Donatello; I am aware that my own skills will be needed in this situation because other than Donatello, I am the only one with the knowledge to treat severe injuries such as these.

"Certainly my son, what do you need?" I enter the infirmary and listen as Donatello herds his brothers outside of the room. I take a closer look at Raphael; his breathing is shallow and slightly erratic and he is much too pale for my liking. Donatello joins me at the bedside and takes a few calming breaths before analyzing his brother's injuries and telling me what he would have me to do; I am perfectly content with taking orders from my highly intelligent son in this situation as I know that he much more qualified to assess the situation than I am.

After about two hours, Donatello and I have treated the worst of Raphael's injuries; Donatello seems quite concerned with the long jagged crack in his brother's plastron, it is possible that one of his broken ribs may have pierced Raphael's left lung causing a slight pneumothorax, a collapsed lung. I watch as with great care, my most patient son inserts a chest tube through the already cracked plastron to reinflate the lung, assuring me that the tube can be removed in a few days and that the crack will eventually heal.

"Donatello. I believe your brother is still in grave danger; though we have repaired his internal injuries, I fear he has lost much blood."

"I agree Master Splinter, I was going to ask Mike if he could donate, he's the only one with the blood type to match Raph…but there is one other thing that I am worried about…"

"What is it my son?" Donatello moves to the head of the infirmary bed and fingers the newly stitched wound spanning a large portion of Raphael's head, I repress an involuntary shudder at the memory of the gash before it had been stitched up; underneath the blood seeping from the wound, it was possible to see Raphael's skull which had a visible crack in it exposing his brain.

"With a head wound as bad as this, it is quite possible that Raph could have severe brain damage; it's really anyone's guess what may happen from here on out. Right now he is simply unconscious but he could easily slip into a coma from here and if he manages to come out of that state at all, he may never be the same again…Master... Father…" Donatello takes a deep breath, looking for all of the world like a lost child; I beckon him forward and he kneels at my feet, silent tears falling from his eyes. "I…I don't know what to do… we can't lose Raph, I don't want to bury my brother."

"My son…" I sigh and pull him into a hug, cuddling him the way I did when he was a child plagued by nightmares, he buries his head into my fur. "You must not lose faith in your brother, he is strong and I know that he will not leave us alone without a fight, in the meantime the rest of us must do all that we can to make him comfortable. Now you should go and fetch Michelangelo, Raphael must have that transfusion or the head injury will not matter.

"Your right Master Splinter, I need to be strong for Raph, now's not the time to be all emotional. I apologize Master." Donatello pulls away from me and I feel as if my heart is breaking as he bows deeply before me in shame of his tears. I gently pull him up and cradle him to my chest again and whisper in his ear.

"Do not apologize for fearing for your brother, it is a natural response and you have done very well in caring for him this evening. Your quick thinking in the heat of the moment may be what saves Raphael in the long run; remember that no matter what happens, I am very proud of you my son." He manages a weak smile and stands up then, composing himself as he prepares to go out and face his brothers.

"I won't be long Master, please let me know if anything happens while I'm gone."

"Of course." With that, Donatello moves to leave the infirmary and I pull a chair near the bed and take Raphael's uninjured hand into my own.

"My son, if you can hear me then you must concentrate on my voice. You must fight to come back to us, your spirit is strong and unyielding and I know that you will not leave us willingly. I love you my son, my Raphael." After some time sitting and whispering encouragement to my son, I sense the approach of Donatello and a very distressed Michelangelo just as the door flies open so forcefully that it is nearly separated from its frame.

"Oh Raph…" Michelangelo whispers as he approaches the bed with a desolate look on his face and tears in his eyes; I stand up to allow him to move closer to his brother but we all freeze at the sound of a weak groan coming from the bed. I look down and am elated to see that Raphael's eyes are slowly fluttering open; Michelangelo grips his hand gently. "Raphie… you're okay."

"M-Mikey...?" My son's sluggish voice is probably the best thing that my ears have heard in quite some time; the teary grin's on both Donatello's and Michelangelo's faces suggest likewise. Suddenly, however, the happy and relieved expressions on our faces turn to ones of complete horror as Raphael begins jerking uncontrollably, his eyes crash shut and he begins to make the most terrible gurgling noises.

"Oh no Raph! Mikey step back!" Donatello flies into action at this new development and between the two of us we attempt to prevent Raphael from aggravating his injuries but we are also both painfully aware of our inability to stop the seizure until it has run its course. After several painful minutes of watching and waiting, my son's convulsions seem to slow before finally ceasing all together and leaving him unnaturally still.

"Oh God Don. Is he breathing?" Michelangelo whispers from the corner of the room where he has slid to the floor sobbing quietly. Donatello busies himself checking Raphael over before nodding in affirmation. "What happened to him Don? I mean he was fine and then just started seizing out of nowhere."

"I believe that the convulsions were a result of his brain injury; the trauma to his head must have caused some electrical impulses to fire in his brain, causing a chain reaction that resulted in a seizure. Unfortunately, it will be hard to say just how much damage this episode may have caused or if it will be the last." Donatello takes a deep breath and seems to note the thin sheen of sweat that is now present on Raphael's brow and the slight tremors that are running through his body. "For now though, it is imperative that we get your blood into him, all this excess trauma to his body is causing him to go into shock, we can worry about the after effects of the seizure later."

"I agree, my son. Michelangelo, I know that you are frightened for your brother right now but you need to try and be strong for him now." Michelangelo takes a deep and calming breath before rising to his feet and again approaching his unconscious brother.

"Okay let's do this!" He manages to say with false cheeriness and I admire his resolve. At this point I excuse myself from the infirmary in search of my eldest son; I find him deep in meditation in the dojo. Leonardo jumps from his spot before I even set foot in the dojo; he has managed to hone his awareness skills to an impressive level.

"Master Splinter? How's Raph? What's going on?" He looks tired and by looking into his eyes I am able to see all of his worry, fear, and …. guilt?... over tonight's occurrences. These emotions only seem to deepen as I update him on his brother's condition but when I attempt to enquire about his feelings and to get the full story of what has taken place tonight, he seems to shut down all together.

After a few moments I rise and take my leave of him in order to check on the others still in the infirmary, a quick glance behind me confirms that Leonardo has begun an intense workout with his katana perhaps to soothe his frustrations. I sigh as I make my way through the lair; all of my sons are hurting now and it pains me to be unable to help them. Sometimes a father's role can only be to watch, and wait, and pray.

**Next Chapter is in Leo's POV!**


	5. Leo

_**WARNING**__to all Leonardo fans: This chapter contains slight character – bashing and reflects some problems that I have with the TV series making Leo out to be basically perfect. Unfortunately, Leo gets to play devil's advocate for part of this fic, but he will redeem himself eventually, I promise!_

**I'm not sure I like how this chapter turned out, but I didn't want to keep putting off the update since it's been over two months. I will probably end up rewriting this at some point in time. **

Chapter 5 – Leonardo

I walk into the infirmary and sit down next to Raph; he is so still, so quiet… It's a bit unnerving, I'm used to seeing my hot – headed brother storming around the lair, ranting and yelling about some injustice or other that he thought had been done to him. It used to irritate me to no end, but now I think I would give my very life just to have my same ornery and loud brother back. Donatello had run some tests on Raph after his seizure that first night, and the results were not very good. The trauma on Raph's brain damaged it, and caused it to shut down. In short, Raphael is currently in a coma, and there is a very good chance that he may never wake up. Donnie managed to rig up some machines to monitor his vitals, but it sickens me to see him looking so helpless and weak while covered in all of those tubes and wires.

I am just settling into the chair to stay for a while when Mikey comes into the room; he freezes upon seeing me next to Raph and the loving and worried look that he had been wearing a second earlier immediately is replaced with a scowl.

"I'm surprised to see you in here." He says with a forced calm as he walks over and stands next to Raph, nearly blocking my view of him. I am slightly surprised at the hostility that I feel coming from him all of a sudden.

"Why? He's my brother too."

"Oh really? Huh. Ya coulda fooled me. It's been over a week since Raph got hurt and no one has seen your face outside the dojo since."

I have nothing to say to that; it's true, I've spent days meditating and exercising in the dojo, trying to bring myself to come and visit my brother, but every time my strength seems to fail. It's hard to see my little brother lying in an infirmary bed that was clearly meant for me. _I _was the one who failed to pay attention to my surroundings, and _I _was the one who failed to protect my family. It's taken days of staying away to give me the strength that I have needed to face Raph again. I try to explain this to Mike, but instead of sympathizing with me, he only gives me an annoyed look and rolls his eyes.

"Oh stop being such a martyr Leo; nobody really wants to listen to all of your 'woe is me' crap right now!" He speaks in a grating whisper that doesn't serve to mitigate his tone of frustration. I stare at him, stunned. "You're not perfect. Not any more than the rest of us."

"When did I ever say that I'm perfect?" I whisper back, wondering if my baby brother actually switched brains with Raphael, and if it was really Mike lying on that bed.

"You don't have to Leo; your actions speak louder than your words. You always have to be the one to show the rest of us up, always trying to prove that you're better. Raph is the only one with enough skill to match you, and you cut him down every chance you get."

"What are you talking about?"

"You hurt him!" "You don't realize just how much your words hurt Leo, but they do. Do you think Raph doesn't hear all that crap you say to him when you guys fight? 'Useless, reckless, irresponsible, hotheaded, and the list goes on. You even accused him of not giving a damn if he put the rest of us in danger, and said that if he was so determined to risk exposure than maybe he shouldn't come back to the lair. And yet, it's always Raph who is the FIRST one to come running to save yer sorry ass when you get into trouble!"

I almost forget where I am for a second, and begin to yell my protests at my youngest brother's criticism. I am cut off, after a few seconds by an erratic beeping coming from the heart monitor by the bed. I freeze in panic fearing that my head – strong brother might actually die right in front of me. I offer no protest as Mikey pushes me, rather harshly, from out of the room where we are met by a wild eyed Donatello.

"What happened?" He shouts, and I cringe at the withering glare fixed on me by our orange – masked sibling.

"I think he's okay Donnie, things got a little out of hand in there. It may just be what happened last time." The beeping from the other room had started to slow back to its original state, and we all breathed a sigh of relief. "See, told ya. Can you go and sit with him for a while Donnie, I need to talk to Leo.

"Sure thing Mikey, I kind of wanted to be with him anyway." Don gives me a sad, pitying look before turning and closing the infirmary door behind him. As soon as the door clicks shut, Mikey rounds on me.

"If you had bothered checking in on Raph at _all_ this week, you would know that despite being in the coma, he can hear everything we say. Raph needs a calm environment to get better; yelling like that upsets him and could actually kill him!"

I'm horror struck by now, the last thing I want is to cause more harm to my brother. "I-I-I'm sorry. I didn't know." I whisper lamely, but Mike is on a roll now.

"Of course you didn't know Leo because yet again you didn't think before you acted, you just said whatever was in your mind to say at that second and it nearly cost our brother his life. You are a master strategist Leo, when we're on the battlefield you can somehow think up a plan and several backup plans in a matter of minutes. You're always calm and collected, and you never make a move without thinking about all of the angles. But for some reason, that's beyond Donnie's or my comprehension, all of that level – headedness goes out of the window whenever you're with Raph!" Mikey then goes on to throw back into my face just about every time that I lost control with my hot – headed brother, and seems to get more indignant with each passing moment.

I can't stand this anymore. Alright, yes everything that Michelangelo has said is true, I've said and done a lot of things that I'm definitely not proud of. But I'm not alone, what about Raphael? He's just as guilty as I am, and most of the stuff that I have said to him has been in retaliation to what he has said or done first. In my heart of hearts I know that this is no excuse, and that two wrongs don't make a right but the need to defend myself against these accusations is too strong.

"OKAY!" I finally shout, ending Mikey's tirade. "So I've lost my temper a few times, I admit that, but what about Raph, huh? He loses his temper on a daily basis and yet you don't condemn him!"

"That's right I don't because Raph doesn't act like he has something to prove all the time; he admits that he has a problem and tries his damndest to control himself. Raph doesn't spend all of his time trying to be the _perfect_ son and the _perfect_ leader and act as if we didn't all grow up in these same stinkin sewers _together_. I've seen Raph jump through hoops to try and get you off his case but you always seem to find fault. Yeah sure, I tend to aggravate him to death, but it's all in fun; he knows that I don't mean any harm, as much as I know that he doesn't really want to kill me. But you, YOU Leonardo, know better than anyone else how to push Raphael's buttons. You continuously antagonize him and then when that tenuous thread on his temper finally does snap, then you have the nerve to get up in his face and call _him_ a hothead. I mean have you noticed that you are the only one in this entire lair who actually fights with Raph? Don and I can deal with his little temper tantrums and let it go, but you're the one who always has to get back up in his face; that says something. You're nothing but a hypocrite Leo, and until you understand that, you don't deserve to see our brother; you're presence there only upsets him anyway."

"You can't ban me from seeing my own brother." I sputter, my eyes narrowing dangerously on a surprisingly unyielding and stone-faced Michelangelo.

"Yeah I can if you being in the room hinders his recovery, Raph is in a coma right now and he needs A LOT of positive energy around him in order to come back to us." Mike finally lowers his eyes and his voice softens slightly. "You hafta understand this Leo, you never got it. All this time you spend trying to be our leader when all we really want is a brother. I know you have to prepare yourself for a day when Master Splinter will no longer be around, but for right now, we already have a father and a master, we don't need two. We just need our big brother." Mike lifts his eyes again to meet mine and I'm startled to see tears forming there, my protests die on my lips. Mikey continues quietly.

"Raph always looked up to you ya know, he always felt inferior because no matter what he did, he thought he couldn't be as good as you. He felt that he would never live up to your standards, and in the end he just stopped trying and decided to oppose you instead. He figured that if he didn't try to act like you then at least he couldn't say that he wasn't as good. He doesn't see his real potential; that he doesn't have to be you to be a hero… he already is one to me…"

* * *

It has been several hours since my argument with Mikey, and he has long since gone back to the infirmary; he hasn't said another word to me since earlier and I guess I can't blame him. I'm back in the dojo trying to meditate, but I can't seem to focus my mind right now. I want to see Raph, to spend time with him and let him know that I still care about him and love him, but what if Mikey is right. What my being there only creates more tension, and upsets Raph more. I sigh, feeling that for now it may be best to honor Mikey's request and stay away until Raph recovers; I refuse to believe that he won't recover. A slight noise at the door causes me to turn around, and I come face to face with Don.

"Hey Leo, I uh made some sandwiches if you're hungry. It's okay to come into the kitchen; Mikey's eating in the infirmary with Raph." I'm really not that hungry, but I stand anyway and follow my brother into the kitchen. I sit down, and Donnie passes me a sandwich but instead of picking it up and eating, I just stare down at the plate. Don watches me in silence for a couple of minutes. "You know, I'm no Michelangelo but I promise you that I can put meat and cheese between two slices of bread without messing it up." He teases lightly. I look up and smile weakly.

"Sorry Don, I guess I'm just not that hungry right now. It's not a knock on your cooking." He offers me a sympathetic grin, and takes my hand in his.

"No one blames you, you know."

"I do, Mikey does too." Don simply sighs and shakes his head.

"No Mikey's just worried, and scared, and exhausted; he hasn't slept through the night since Raph got hurt. He's carrying a lot of pent up frustration and anger right now, and you were just the perfect scapegoat for it."

"He was right though, I have been a hypocrite. You agree with him don't you?" The silence is the only answer I need. "I thought so."

"Leo look at me." When I continue to stare at my uneaten sandwich, he gently grabs my chin and lifts my face until I am looking him in the eyes. "I do believe that you and Raph are way more alike than either of you want to admit. And I do wish that you two would stop fighting so much and work together more, but I also know that we all love you. Raph doesn't always confide in me, at least not the same way that he does Mikey, but I do know that he sometimes feels like you don't accept him. Just try to take a step back sometimes, and be our brother rather than our master all of the time." With that, he gets up and leaves me at the table to reflect on my relationship with all of my brothers.

**Hope you liked it. Please read and review.**

**Next chapter is in Mikey's POV.**


	6. Mikey

Chapter 6** – **Michelangelo

**Several weeks have passed since the last chapter.**

"Oh Raph" I sigh as I sit down next to my brother "Come on bro, you have to wake up. We need you… I need you." I can't help but sigh again as looked at his still form. How could someone who was always so strong, look so fragile? "Ya know? You were always the strongest and bravest person I ever knew; I mean you were never afraid of anything and you were always there for me whenever I felt scared or alone…" My voice cracks and I wipe a tear from my eye as a stray memory tickles at the edge of my consciousness. "Remember that time when we were kids? We were probably six or seven and we were playing in the sewers and I wandered too far away and got lost?"

_*Flashback*_

_The sounds of sobbing echoed off of the walls of the sewer tunnels along with the steady dripping of water. Little Mikey walked aimlessly along the tunnels as he struggled to keep down his rising panic. Never before had he strayed so far away from his home, from his father and brothers. It had been entirely by accident; one moment he had been running around with his brothers and then his attention had been caught by a tiny frog that had obviously been swept into the tunnel by the rushing water created from the storm the day before. To see any type of surface dwelling creature was a rare source of excitement for the young turtle as it allowed his imagination to flow and thrive; pictures of what the surface world actually looked like floated into his mind's eye and he pictured a park with lots of trees and grass with the sun smiling down on his small form. As he daydreamed, the little frog that he had been watching with such interest began to hop away and naturally, as he was still immersed in his fantasy world the young turtle chased after it. After about ten minutes of bliss, Mikey skidded to a stop when his quarry suddenly dropped into the sluggishly moving water in a side tunnel. The child looked around curiously, obviously not realizing that he had gone so far from home; he quickly backtracked and seeing a bend in the tunnels ran forward but instead of seeing the lair and his brothers around the corner, he only saw a labyrinth of more tunnels. "Uh oh" he whispered fearfully, finally realizing his mistake. "Uh hello… Master Splinter? Leo? Donnie…" Tears began to well up in his eyes and he took a deep breath "…RAPHIE" He called as loud as he could waiting for the sound of his big brother's heavy footsteps that would normally hurry to his aid to fight off the monsters of his nightmares. Finally Mikey realized that no one was going to come for him and he had to find his way home all alone and he made his way cautiously down one of the tunnels._

_**In the meantime…**_

_Three young turtle boys were laughing as they chased each other around in front of the entrance to their lair. The largest of the three grinned mischievously as he gained ground on his fleeing blue banded brother and with a laugh and an almighty leap he flew into the air and landed neatly on the smaller turtle's shell. "Ha, got ya Leo" his laugh turned to a startled yell as Leo threw him unceremoniously from his back and quickly tackled him to the floor._

_ "Now who's got who, huh Raph?" Then with a malicious glint in his eyes, he held one hand firmly against his brother's plastron and with the other hand he viscously attacked his feet with wiggling fingers._

_ "Ack! Leo… NO… Get off…" Raph giggled and squirmed, desperate to escape his older brother's relentless assault but it was suddenly joined by another pair of hands. Raphael blinked his large amber eyes upward and found himself looking into the laughing light brown eyes of his younger brother. "Not you too Donnie?" He managed to sputter out between laughs. After a couple of moments, he heaved himself up and pounced on Leo who was right in front of him and returned the tickling assault tenfold. Donatello, apparently not caring whose team he was on, immediately joined Raph in his revenge, ignoring his blue-clad brother's protests. Five minutes later, the three lay gasping in a heap on the ground still giggling occasionally. _

_ "That was fun." Donnie said between pants as he slowly pushed himself into a sitting position._

_ "Yeah it was but it wasn't entirely fair…" came the near whining voice of his red-clad sibling who also sat up. "I mean Leo, you got tackled twice and you __both__ got me…" his voice trailed off as he helped his big brother into a sitting position._

_ "Don't worry Raph; I know how to even out the score…" _

_Donny gulped as he took in the semi – evil grins now sported on both his brother's faces and he began to look around for an escape from the punishment he was now sure to get; as his eyes swept the area around him, he noticed something and held up his hands to halt the oncoming attack._

_ "Hey guys, where's Mikey?" Both Leo and Raph looked up and around for any sign of their orange masked sibling; they had been so engrossed in their round of tickle tag that they hadn't noticed Mikey leave the area._

_ "Awww, you know Mike. He probably got bored out here and went inside to watch cartoons or som'tin" Raphael drawled and waved his hand dismissively._

_ "Probably… "Leo looked a little unsure. "But we we're having so much fun we didn't see him leave. I hope he doesn't think we were ignoring him; you know how sensitive he can be."_

_ "Leo's right, we better go check and see if he's okay." Don piped up._

_ "Right Don, you just don't wanna go up against both me an' Leo. You ain't off the hook yet, bro." Raph grinned and locked eyes with Leo who nodded sporting an equally devious expression. "But fer now let's go get the knucklehead." With that, he turned and led the little group into the lair heading for the living area, but was met with only an empty room. _

_ "Uh maybe he's in our room playing or taking a nap or something." Leo suggested as he walked toward the bedroom and found it to be empty as well. "Or not…" he said sighing as he came back to his brothers._

_ "Where the shell is he?" Raph exclaimed as he and his brothers searched the entire lair without finding a trace of their baby brother anywhere._

_ "You don't think he could've gone out in the tunnels do ya?" Don asked fearfully, turning towards the lair entrance?_

_ "No way, he knows better. 'Sides he's scared to go out there alone." Leo answered though he looked unsure._

_ "Well he's sure as shell not here and he didn't just disappear." Raph argued as he too walked towards the entrance. "We gotta go find him."_

_ "Raph, we're not s'posed to remember. Master Splinter says we're not allowed to go past the junction in front of the lair!" Leo said stubbornly while grabbing ahold of his brother's shoulder. Raph shook him off fuming._

_ "Well what are we gonna do then, just sit here while Mikey is out there by hisself?"_

_ "No. We wait until Master Splinter comes back from scavenging and __he'll__ find Mikey._

_ "But Leo, we don't even know when Splinter will be back. What if som'thn happens to Mike? We have to get him."_

_ "No Raph. We stay here. We don't know what's out there and we might get lost."_

_ "I don't care Leo. I'm goin out there and I'm gonna find my baby brother if it's the last thing I do."_

"_I'm gonna tell Sensei and you're gonna get in so much trouble."_

"_Well then, go on ahead __Teacher's Pet__. Tell Splinter whateva ya want but I'm still goin and you can't stop me."_

"_Fine then!"_

"_Fine!" And with that, Raphael stalked off to the bedroom to start gathering supplies that he thought he might need: a flashlight, and his red jacket that was a little oversized in order to fit over his shell, and a rope. Turning to leave the room, Raph was struck with a sudden idea and he ran in the direction of the craft box that he and his brother's shared, pulling out a plastic bag full of colorful plastic stickers and placing them in his jacket pocket. He then walked out of the room and started toward the lair's entrance but was stopped by a quiet wavering voice behind him._

"_Raphie?" Raph looked down at the small olive green bundle huddled up on the floor against the couch. The child had remained silent throughout the entire argument and tears streamed down his tiny face. The dark green turtle knelt down next to his weeping brother and wrapped his arm around him._

_ "Don' worry kiddo, I'll find Mikey and bring him back"_

_ "Good luck." Donnie whispered and sniffed, hugging his big brother tightly. Finally Raph straightened up and with one more hard look at his older brother, who only scowled disapprovingly and turned his back on him, Raph headed out of the lair. He didn't hear the quiet sound of Leo's voice as he echoed the parting sentiments of their purple banded brother._

_**With Michelangelo…**_

_SPLASH! Mikey sniffed and rubbed at his eyes as he picked himself back up out of the water where he had fallen in after not paying enough attention to where he was going. He had been wandering around for the better part of the hour and he was scared, cold, hungry, and now soaked. 'Oh, I'm gonna die out here and some creepy sewer worker is gonna come and do crazy speriments (A/N: Yes I know this is spelled wrong. He's only six ya know…) on me like that Dr. Fwankinstine person that Donnie tol' me bout. An they'll prob'ly use my shell as a bowl and make turtle soup outta my bones!' (A/N: Pretty morbid imagination this kid has huh?) After walking a few more steps, Mikey was overcome by fear and exhaustion. He sat down on the cold ground and leaned his shell on the tunnel wall, pulling his knees up to his chest he buried his head in his hands and sobbed. 'I wanna go home' he thought before darkness consumed him._

_ "Mikey…" The vaguely familiar voice echoed around the tunnel from a distance jerking the young turtle out of his fitful doze. _

_ 'Huh w-who was that? Was that just my imagination?' He thought groggily but then he heard it again, this time a little closer. Someone was calling his name, searching for him. "H-help me, please…I'm here" Mikey called weakly hoping that whoever was out there heard his plaintive cry._

_ "Mikey?" The voice called back hopefully, apparently also doubting his ears._

_ "I'm here!" Mikey called back, stronger this time._

_ "Mikey! I hear ya bro, keep yellin I'll find ya!"_

_ "Raph? Oh Raph is that really you?" The sounds of feet splashing in the water met little Michelangelo's ears as his big brother ran towards him._

_ "OhmigoshMikeyareyouokay? What happened? You bonehead you had us all so scared!" Raph had so many thoughts running around in his head that it all came out in a gush the second he laid eyes on his little brother. He dropped down to his knees beside him and started looking him over critically for injuries (even though he wasn't too sure what he was looking for or what he would do if Mikey had any real injuries. But he still felt that he should try to look.) Mikey seemed to be uninjured with the exception of the bruised and scraped knees that he had gained from falling in the water earlier. Master Splinter would have to use the "stingy" stuff that they all hated to clean the scrapes; but other than that Mikey seemed okay._

_ "I was so scared Raphie, I was walkin and playin wit this froggie I found an' then I looked up an' I couldn't find you guys an' I didn't know how to get home an' I thought that I would be out here foreva an'eva an' humans woulda foun' me an'…an'…" At this point the young turtle burst into tears of anguish from his ordeal and relief at having been found. Raphael gathered his brother into his arms and rocked him slowly and gently, whispering soothing words as he rubbed his shell lightly._

_ "Shh, Mikey its okay now… I got ya… Yer safe." Finally Mikey's sobs subsided and he turned his tear soaked bright blue eyes on his brother._

_ "H-how'd ya f-find me Raphie?" he whispered shakily. Raph's brow furrowed in concentration as he struggled to answer his brother._

_ "I don' know Mike… It was jus' a feelin I guess. I kinda just knew which way to go and I figured if I kept callin' ya'd answer me." Mikey looked like he was going to say something else but was interrupted as a sudden sneeze burst forth right into his brother's face. Raph let go of Mikey and wiped at his face with a disgusted look. "Aww Mike." He said and scowled. Mikey grinned at him apologetically._

_ "Sorry Raphie, I couldn't he…Achoo…Achooo!" This time Mikey managed to turn his head and cover his mouth before looking back at Raph shivering slightly._

_ "Ya done?" His brother asked somewhat gruffly. His look softened and he sighed when Mike nodded meekly; he took of his jacket and wrapped it firmly around his brother's shoulders. "Come on bro; let's get ya back home for ya catch cold."_

_ "Do you know how ta get back? There was too many tunnels for me to figure it out." Raph chuckled and helped Mikey to stand._

_ "Don' worry bout that. I got it covered." Raph said and pointed back the way he came. Mikey squinted and smiled as he recognized the bright yellow smiley face and multicolored rainbow stickers from their craft box. Every few feet, a plastic sticker adorned the walls in a path that led back to the lair._

_ "Wow good idea Raphie, it's kinda like 'Handle and Greta' right?" Mikey said smiling as they made their way down the tunnel._

_ "That's __Hansel and Gretel__ shell-fer-brains. An' yeah that's right but we gotta take them down on the way back or Masta Splinta will deshell me for lead'in people right to where the lair is."_

_ "Got it Raph!" _

_Mikey and Raph walked silently down the pathways, gathering the stickers as they went. As they neared the familiar junction in front of the lair Mikey suddenly stopped and threw his arms around his brother._

_ "What the… let go of me Doofus!" Raph cried startled and slightly embarrassed. Mikey ignored him and only held tighter as if his life depended on the contact._

_ "Thank you Raphie for findin me, you're the bestest big brother in the __history__ of big brothers! I love you Raphie…"_

_*End Flashback*_

"I love you Raphie." I hold tightly onto Raph's hand and bury my face into his neck sobbing. The slightest movement from underneath me startles me and causes me to jerk up; dull amber eyes flutter open blearily and fall closed again.

"Raph! You're awake! Come on bro, can you open your eyes again?" No response. I fight with myself for a moment, debating on whether to run out and look for Donnie or to stay by Raph's side. I try again to coax my brother's eyes open but they won't and I begin to wonder if it was only my imagination that had played tricks on me. But then all of a sudden, Raph blinks again, a slight moan escapes him as his eyes slowly slide open.

I can't believe it! After over a month of worrying and hoping for a miracle, Raph is finally awake.

**Raph's POV is next.**


	7. Raph

Chapter 7 – Raphael

Darkness. It surrounds me, suffocates me. It's weird, I can hear sounds and register movement around me but I can't react to anything. I have no idea how long I've been in this unyielding hell… it seems like forever.

Someone comes and sits beside me again I hear crying and something or someone touches my arm. I listen carefully to the words being spoken but I can't make any sense of them; somewhere deep down I'm sure that everything being said means something but that part can't or won't reach my consciousness.

Something wet hits my neck and I try to move away from it knowing that it's useless… wait… that was different, did I actually move a little? Something tugs at my consciousness, it pulls me up and suddenly I can see the smallest ray of light. We move closer to it; it feels so warm and inviting, such a contrast to the eternal cold and dark realm I've become so used to. We're just beside the light now, I reach out and touch it and suddenly I'm bathed in the light… what a relief.

I feel my eyes opening and am assaulted with a painfully bright light, I close them again and try to clear the spots away from my vision. The entire effort takes more energy than I expected it to. The talking is back and this time I can make out at least some of the words but it feels as if they're coming from a long way off even though I can feel the presence just above me.

"Raph!..."

Huh? Raph? Who is that… it that my name?

"…. Open…eyes…"

If the guy _is _speaking to me, maybe I should do what he says. Hopefully I'll get some answers. I open my eyes again and am met with a large green and orange blob hanging over me. What the heck? Who or what is that and where on Earth am I? The blob moves again and I blink to try and bring it into clearer focus…. It works, I can make out a face now staring at me with concerned eyes. He looks vaguely familiar but I can't place him. Everything's so strange, and I feel so tired… maybe I should rest for a little bit.

As I drift off to sleep one question echo's through my head… 'Who am I?'

**Okay I know I ended on a little bit of a cliffy there and I hope you all will forgive me for that. I regret to inform you that I will be putting this fic on a temporary hiatus effective immediately. I know that y'all probably think that I'm gonna put this away and never come back to it but I give you my word of honor that I will finish this story. This was born of an idea that I got on a whim one day, and I originally had no idea where I was going with it. Now I have a clear beginning, middle, and end in mind but not a real idea of how I want to get there. I happen to be a real perfectionist about my writing so I would rather wait awhile and give you something better to read than to rush through it and give you less than my best.**

**Anyway, I'm not sure how long it will be before I come back to this but I promise to let you know if it goes longer that a year (which I really hope it won't!) In the mean time I will be working on my new story **_**Learning to Love**_** which I've been playing with for years now so things shouldn't be a touch and go as it has been with **_**Shattered Consciousness**_**. **

**Thanks for all of the reviews and encouragement I've gotten so far with this and any other messages I get are greatly welcomed and appreciated, It's good to know that people have enjoyed my work!**


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